Jacob

Jacob gave me his permission to share this story with you.

Last summer, we noticed that Jacob was showing signs of anxiety.  It was unpredictable and we could not determine a definite cause.  It occurred when the entire family was together.  It reared its head at his birthday party at our house.  It happened at school. It occurred on a field trip.  It happened at a friend's house.

It did not appear to have a rhyme or reason.  This fall, his level of anxiety was extremely heightened and we made the decision to begin seeing a counselor.  While working with her, we learned strategies to help Jacob with his anxiety.  He came up with a code word to use so that we would know when he was feeling overwhelmed.   We determined a set of negotiable and non-negotiables for our family.

Non-negotiables included attending school, family events, and church.

Negotiables included play dates with friends, youth group, extra-curricular activities, etc.

We also discussed how at some point, those negotiables would move into the non-negotiable column.  He would have to at least try them.

I remember laughing and crying while thinking, "Yea, right!"  I questioned if we would ever get to that point.

Many people had suggestions and advice during this time:  Just MAKE him do it!  He needs meds!  Do not medicate!  Change his diet!  You are coddling him!  You are doing the right thing!  You are giving him too much control - you will never reign him in now!  You are making sure he feels secure!  You are nuts!  You are kind!

My head could have spun listening to all the suggestions.   I recognized, however, that everybody who gave advice was doing so because they cared.  They either cared for Jacob or us or both.  In the end, however, Brian and I had to do what we felt was best for Jacob.  We could not stand seeing our happy hyper son looking sad and anxious.   Brian and I decided to postpone our yearly trip to Nashville.  We didn't feel it was a good time to leave him.

We continued with counseling for about two months and then Jacob said he didn't think he needed it anymore.  His counselor agreed with him and we decided to "try it on our own."

Jacob still gets anxious, but it is not the over the top anxiety that we saw.  It is manageable.  It is a "typical" anxiety (if there is such a thing).

Those negotiables?  He has initiated the process of moving out of his comfort zone on his own!  He has begun attending a Bible Study twice a month.  He rides in the church van from school to the church.  He loves it.  He doesn't feel the need to see me immediately after school.  He attended Youth Group last Wednesday and says he loves it and wants to go again.  He has gone to friend's houses to hang out.

He is still not ready to spend the night at a friend's house.  That is fine.  If, and when, he is ready, we will try it.  As we talked in counseling:  Is that something that he HAS to do?  Is it a necessary life skill?  Seriously, aren't there many of us adults who are more comfortable in our own bed?  Do we feel completely comfortable at someone else's house?

We are so thankful for the people who helped us through this time.

A big thank you to the person who gave us the name of the incredible counselor!

A huge thank you to the counselor!

A big thank you for the school.  We were blessed that Jacob has an incredible teacher this year who understood his anxiety.  While he didn't show it through tears, he would often get "that feeling."  Recognizing that he needed a short break from class to "reset"  himself.  She gave him a pass to keep on his desk.  He would use it to walk up and down the hall for a minute or two.  He began going with a friend to the OT room in the mornings to play a little basketball.  The insightful nature of the school staff,  helped him to feel comfortable and manage his anxiety in that setting.

A big thank you to those who respected our decisions, even though you might now have agreed.  Thank you for being there for us.  Thank you for the kind words and prayers.

I am extremely thankful that he is talking about Junior High and is getting excited about it!  Now, I know there will be transition issues, but he is EXCITED about it and not sitting in the corner panicked about it.  He was doing that earlier this year.  The words "Junior High" threw him over the edge.

And finally, I am thankful that we are VERY close to his feeling comfortable enough for Brian and I to sneak away to Nashville!

Multiple Sclerosis

I have had the fortune to recently read two memoirs authored by persons with Multiple Sclerosis.  There were so many parts of the book I could relate to.  At times, I felt I was reading my own memoir.  Our stories were that intertwined.  However, there are a subjects on which I differed greatly.  The care of my physicians and my experience with insurance.

From day one of my first "symptoms," my nurse practitioner, GP and neurologist have been great.   They believed me when I said I had numbness.  They did not dismiss me as crazy.   Unlike the experiences from the books, these professionals gave me information in their offices - no email diagnosis.  I can't believe a doctor actually EMAILED a patient the diagnosis of MS.

I have set in their offices and cried tears of frustration.   They have listened.  Never rushed me out.  Once, the neurologist actually pulled up a chair next to me, shut off the lights, told Brian not to comfort me and told me to cry it out. He told me that I needed to cry and mourn my diagnosis.  Seriously?  A neurologist who has a busy schedule did this?  Yep!

The office staffs I have worked with have been incredible too.  When trying to send me to Northwestern for a second opinion, I began working with insurance to get the referral.  The office staff told me that I should focus on my health and that THEY would handle it all.  Within an hour, I had a call saying that it was all approved and set up.

Another area in which I differ from those life stories is my experience with insurance.  Now, do I always get the answers I want when I call insurance?  Nope!  Sometimes they say something is not covered.  Or a new prescription is a Tier 3 drug.  I don't always like what I hear.  However, never, and I mean NEVER, have I had an insurance associate treat me poorly.  They are always extremely kind.  If they don't know the answer my question, they seek out the answer and call me back in a timely fashion.

Today, I am thankful for the authors of these books.  I am thankful that they shared their stories.  In addition, I am thankful for my health providers and their staffs.  I am also thankful for my health insurance company and their employees.

HELP!!

Eight years ago on Martin Luther King Jr's birthday, I hit a wall.  I was pregnant with Lizzie and something was wrong.  I had everything to be happy and excited about - two beautiful boys, a loving husband, and little girl on the way.  But, I couldn't stop crying.  Every thing seemed too big for me to handle.  Laundry?  Forget about it?  Dishes?  I will get those tomorrow.  The water pipes freezing finally put me over the edge that cold morning.

Luckily, I had a doctor's appointment scheduled for that day.  The doctor took one look at me, pulled up a chair and started talking to me.  After a long discussion she said she believed I was experiencing depression.  Lucky me - I was one of the 12-14% of women who experience depression DURING pregnancy.

I called a good friend and said, between sobs, "I need help."  Then I called my mother-in-law and, again between sobs, said, "I can't do this anymore."    Brian was busy with work.  He was working extremely long hours as it was the beginning of the semester at U of I.  My friends and family rallied.  My mother-in-law's flexible schedule allowed her to come stay with us for a week.  Friends brought food and had the kids over for play dates.  My family in Indiana checked on me all the time.

Finally, the medicine and techniques my doctor prescribed for me began to work.  I began to function again!  I did my laundry.  I made a meal.  I caught a mouse in the house and I didn't crumple.  Well, I did scream loudly and demand Brian take care of it (I HATE mice).  However, it did not put me over the edge.  I began to feel human again.

This may seem a weird post for this blog.  Am I thankful for that event?  No, not really.  I was embarrassed.  Ashamed.  What in the world was wrong with me?

But, I am thankful for those who have shared their stories through books, blogs, articles, and face to face.  Those people have helped me realize that what I experienced is nothing that I have to hide.  Nothing to be ashamed of.

If there is one thing I regret about that time, it is that I didn't share with more people.  I had close friends who didn't know how poorly I felt.  I hid it from them.  I wish I had shared with them.  So, those who WERE brave enough to share their stories, THANK YOU!  Thank you for exposing  yourself in your writings and speaking so that I could experience freedom from the embarrassment and shame I carried.

Libraries

I am thankful for the library.  I am thankful for the libraries in each of my children's schools as well as the public library.

I enjoy going to the library and perusing the "New" section.  I enjoy just looking and touching the book.  I REALLY enjoy that I can check the book out and if it is not something I like, I can return it and it didn't cost me a dime!  Well, except those taxes.

I love that when my kids come home from school and ask to go to the library because they want a particular book.

I know that as we go more and more digital, the role of libraries is changing.  I am thankful for library and hope they continue to exist.

Birthday Greetings

Today, I am thankful for birthday wishes and greetings!  It warms my heart so see how many "Happy Birthday" wishes I received on my Facebook page.  The actual words spoken to me when I ran into people.  The email messages.  It is all a little overwhelming.  There was an incredible group of ladies who treated me to lunch.  When I arrived home, a lady from church had called to tell me happy birthday.  I don't know her well.  She is an older woman.  We aren't in Bible Studies or Sunday School together.  But she took time out of HER day to wish ME Happy Birthday.  Made me cry!

Then, tonight, we had my favorite dinner - Breakfast for Supper.  The kids dislike Breakfast for Supper, so we rarely do that.  But, it was my night and Brian made some yummy pancakes just for me!

I feel loved beyond measure!  It also feels good to be turning 29!  

Birthday wishes and greetings rock!!!

Family Gatherings

I am thankful for family gatherings.  Over the past two weeks, I have been blessed with having several family gatherings.  Each gathering has its own dynamic.  Its own story.  But, they all have family and memories to treasure.

This year's memories include:

A little snow in Illinois

A Paragi Family Christmas

Several games of Euchre

Roaring Fires

The meeting of the minds

Meeting new friends

A big snow in Southern Indiana

Another new friend - (and a good earring picker outer according to Lizzie)

Fuzzy headbands on babies

A night of cousins

Babies, babies everywhere

Making Christmas cookies with cousins

 The result of Katie's "roll up like a hot dog in a blanket and roll down the stairs" moment. 

The smoke of 36 candles

Reindeer food

A southern Indiana snowman

 The year of the Whoopie Cushions

 Babies again. . . 

The Game Headbandz

Lots of family memories.  So thankful for Family Gatherings.

Mrs Paragi. . . Mrs. Paragi

I love the look of excitement when a child gives you a present.  As I walked down the hall on the last day of school before Winter Break, I heard an excited yell, "Mrs. Paragi!!  Mrs. Paragi!!  I got you something!!"  The little guy was about ready to burst.  He could hardly contain his excitement.

Early that day, a student arrived in my room bouncing up and down while I opened a present from her. She was so proud.

I am thankful for the joy in the eyes of children when they GIVE presents as well as when they receive.    May they never lose that excitement for giving!