Jacob

Jacob gave me his permission to share this story with you.

Last summer, we noticed that Jacob was showing signs of anxiety.  It was unpredictable and we could not determine a definite cause.  It occurred when the entire family was together.  It reared its head at his birthday party at our house.  It happened at school. It occurred on a field trip.  It happened at a friend's house.

It did not appear to have a rhyme or reason.  This fall, his level of anxiety was extremely heightened and we made the decision to begin seeing a counselor.  While working with her, we learned strategies to help Jacob with his anxiety.  He came up with a code word to use so that we would know when he was feeling overwhelmed.   We determined a set of negotiable and non-negotiables for our family.

Non-negotiables included attending school, family events, and church.

Negotiables included play dates with friends, youth group, extra-curricular activities, etc.

We also discussed how at some point, those negotiables would move into the non-negotiable column.  He would have to at least try them.

I remember laughing and crying while thinking, "Yea, right!"  I questioned if we would ever get to that point.

Many people had suggestions and advice during this time:  Just MAKE him do it!  He needs meds!  Do not medicate!  Change his diet!  You are coddling him!  You are doing the right thing!  You are giving him too much control - you will never reign him in now!  You are making sure he feels secure!  You are nuts!  You are kind!

My head could have spun listening to all the suggestions.   I recognized, however, that everybody who gave advice was doing so because they cared.  They either cared for Jacob or us or both.  In the end, however, Brian and I had to do what we felt was best for Jacob.  We could not stand seeing our happy hyper son looking sad and anxious.   Brian and I decided to postpone our yearly trip to Nashville.  We didn't feel it was a good time to leave him.

We continued with counseling for about two months and then Jacob said he didn't think he needed it anymore.  His counselor agreed with him and we decided to "try it on our own."

Jacob still gets anxious, but it is not the over the top anxiety that we saw.  It is manageable.  It is a "typical" anxiety (if there is such a thing).

Those negotiables?  He has initiated the process of moving out of his comfort zone on his own!  He has begun attending a Bible Study twice a month.  He rides in the church van from school to the church.  He loves it.  He doesn't feel the need to see me immediately after school.  He attended Youth Group last Wednesday and says he loves it and wants to go again.  He has gone to friend's houses to hang out.

He is still not ready to spend the night at a friend's house.  That is fine.  If, and when, he is ready, we will try it.  As we talked in counseling:  Is that something that he HAS to do?  Is it a necessary life skill?  Seriously, aren't there many of us adults who are more comfortable in our own bed?  Do we feel completely comfortable at someone else's house?

We are so thankful for the people who helped us through this time.

A big thank you to the person who gave us the name of the incredible counselor!

A huge thank you to the counselor!

A big thank you for the school.  We were blessed that Jacob has an incredible teacher this year who understood his anxiety.  While he didn't show it through tears, he would often get "that feeling."  Recognizing that he needed a short break from class to "reset"  himself.  She gave him a pass to keep on his desk.  He would use it to walk up and down the hall for a minute or two.  He began going with a friend to the OT room in the mornings to play a little basketball.  The insightful nature of the school staff,  helped him to feel comfortable and manage his anxiety in that setting.

A big thank you to those who respected our decisions, even though you might now have agreed.  Thank you for being there for us.  Thank you for the kind words and prayers.

I am extremely thankful that he is talking about Junior High and is getting excited about it!  Now, I know there will be transition issues, but he is EXCITED about it and not sitting in the corner panicked about it.  He was doing that earlier this year.  The words "Junior High" threw him over the edge.

And finally, I am thankful that we are VERY close to his feeling comfortable enough for Brian and I to sneak away to Nashville!