Jacob

Jacob gave me his permission to share this story with you.

Last summer, we noticed that Jacob was showing signs of anxiety.  It was unpredictable and we could not determine a definite cause.  It occurred when the entire family was together.  It reared its head at his birthday party at our house.  It happened at school. It occurred on a field trip.  It happened at a friend's house.

It did not appear to have a rhyme or reason.  This fall, his level of anxiety was extremely heightened and we made the decision to begin seeing a counselor.  While working with her, we learned strategies to help Jacob with his anxiety.  He came up with a code word to use so that we would know when he was feeling overwhelmed.   We determined a set of negotiable and non-negotiables for our family.

Non-negotiables included attending school, family events, and church.

Negotiables included play dates with friends, youth group, extra-curricular activities, etc.

We also discussed how at some point, those negotiables would move into the non-negotiable column.  He would have to at least try them.

I remember laughing and crying while thinking, "Yea, right!"  I questioned if we would ever get to that point.

Many people had suggestions and advice during this time:  Just MAKE him do it!  He needs meds!  Do not medicate!  Change his diet!  You are coddling him!  You are doing the right thing!  You are giving him too much control - you will never reign him in now!  You are making sure he feels secure!  You are nuts!  You are kind!

My head could have spun listening to all the suggestions.   I recognized, however, that everybody who gave advice was doing so because they cared.  They either cared for Jacob or us or both.  In the end, however, Brian and I had to do what we felt was best for Jacob.  We could not stand seeing our happy hyper son looking sad and anxious.   Brian and I decided to postpone our yearly trip to Nashville.  We didn't feel it was a good time to leave him.

We continued with counseling for about two months and then Jacob said he didn't think he needed it anymore.  His counselor agreed with him and we decided to "try it on our own."

Jacob still gets anxious, but it is not the over the top anxiety that we saw.  It is manageable.  It is a "typical" anxiety (if there is such a thing).

Those negotiables?  He has initiated the process of moving out of his comfort zone on his own!  He has begun attending a Bible Study twice a month.  He rides in the church van from school to the church.  He loves it.  He doesn't feel the need to see me immediately after school.  He attended Youth Group last Wednesday and says he loves it and wants to go again.  He has gone to friend's houses to hang out.

He is still not ready to spend the night at a friend's house.  That is fine.  If, and when, he is ready, we will try it.  As we talked in counseling:  Is that something that he HAS to do?  Is it a necessary life skill?  Seriously, aren't there many of us adults who are more comfortable in our own bed?  Do we feel completely comfortable at someone else's house?

We are so thankful for the people who helped us through this time.

A big thank you to the person who gave us the name of the incredible counselor!

A huge thank you to the counselor!

A big thank you for the school.  We were blessed that Jacob has an incredible teacher this year who understood his anxiety.  While he didn't show it through tears, he would often get "that feeling."  Recognizing that he needed a short break from class to "reset"  himself.  She gave him a pass to keep on his desk.  He would use it to walk up and down the hall for a minute or two.  He began going with a friend to the OT room in the mornings to play a little basketball.  The insightful nature of the school staff,  helped him to feel comfortable and manage his anxiety in that setting.

A big thank you to those who respected our decisions, even though you might now have agreed.  Thank you for being there for us.  Thank you for the kind words and prayers.

I am extremely thankful that he is talking about Junior High and is getting excited about it!  Now, I know there will be transition issues, but he is EXCITED about it and not sitting in the corner panicked about it.  He was doing that earlier this year.  The words "Junior High" threw him over the edge.

And finally, I am thankful that we are VERY close to his feeling comfortable enough for Brian and I to sneak away to Nashville!

Multiple Sclerosis

I have had the fortune to recently read two memoirs authored by persons with Multiple Sclerosis.  There were so many parts of the book I could relate to.  At times, I felt I was reading my own memoir.  Our stories were that intertwined.  However, there are a subjects on which I differed greatly.  The care of my physicians and my experience with insurance.

From day one of my first "symptoms," my nurse practitioner, GP and neurologist have been great.   They believed me when I said I had numbness.  They did not dismiss me as crazy.   Unlike the experiences from the books, these professionals gave me information in their offices - no email diagnosis.  I can't believe a doctor actually EMAILED a patient the diagnosis of MS.

I have set in their offices and cried tears of frustration.   They have listened.  Never rushed me out.  Once, the neurologist actually pulled up a chair next to me, shut off the lights, told Brian not to comfort me and told me to cry it out. He told me that I needed to cry and mourn my diagnosis.  Seriously?  A neurologist who has a busy schedule did this?  Yep!

The office staffs I have worked with have been incredible too.  When trying to send me to Northwestern for a second opinion, I began working with insurance to get the referral.  The office staff told me that I should focus on my health and that THEY would handle it all.  Within an hour, I had a call saying that it was all approved and set up.

Another area in which I differ from those life stories is my experience with insurance.  Now, do I always get the answers I want when I call insurance?  Nope!  Sometimes they say something is not covered.  Or a new prescription is a Tier 3 drug.  I don't always like what I hear.  However, never, and I mean NEVER, have I had an insurance associate treat me poorly.  They are always extremely kind.  If they don't know the answer my question, they seek out the answer and call me back in a timely fashion.

Today, I am thankful for the authors of these books.  I am thankful that they shared their stories.  In addition, I am thankful for my health providers and their staffs.  I am also thankful for my health insurance company and their employees.

HELP!!

Eight years ago on Martin Luther King Jr's birthday, I hit a wall.  I was pregnant with Lizzie and something was wrong.  I had everything to be happy and excited about - two beautiful boys, a loving husband, and little girl on the way.  But, I couldn't stop crying.  Every thing seemed too big for me to handle.  Laundry?  Forget about it?  Dishes?  I will get those tomorrow.  The water pipes freezing finally put me over the edge that cold morning.

Luckily, I had a doctor's appointment scheduled for that day.  The doctor took one look at me, pulled up a chair and started talking to me.  After a long discussion she said she believed I was experiencing depression.  Lucky me - I was one of the 12-14% of women who experience depression DURING pregnancy.

I called a good friend and said, between sobs, "I need help."  Then I called my mother-in-law and, again between sobs, said, "I can't do this anymore."    Brian was busy with work.  He was working extremely long hours as it was the beginning of the semester at U of I.  My friends and family rallied.  My mother-in-law's flexible schedule allowed her to come stay with us for a week.  Friends brought food and had the kids over for play dates.  My family in Indiana checked on me all the time.

Finally, the medicine and techniques my doctor prescribed for me began to work.  I began to function again!  I did my laundry.  I made a meal.  I caught a mouse in the house and I didn't crumple.  Well, I did scream loudly and demand Brian take care of it (I HATE mice).  However, it did not put me over the edge.  I began to feel human again.

This may seem a weird post for this blog.  Am I thankful for that event?  No, not really.  I was embarrassed.  Ashamed.  What in the world was wrong with me?

But, I am thankful for those who have shared their stories through books, blogs, articles, and face to face.  Those people have helped me realize that what I experienced is nothing that I have to hide.  Nothing to be ashamed of.

If there is one thing I regret about that time, it is that I didn't share with more people.  I had close friends who didn't know how poorly I felt.  I hid it from them.  I wish I had shared with them.  So, those who WERE brave enough to share their stories, THANK YOU!  Thank you for exposing  yourself in your writings and speaking so that I could experience freedom from the embarrassment and shame I carried.

Libraries

I am thankful for the library.  I am thankful for the libraries in each of my children's schools as well as the public library.

I enjoy going to the library and perusing the "New" section.  I enjoy just looking and touching the book.  I REALLY enjoy that I can check the book out and if it is not something I like, I can return it and it didn't cost me a dime!  Well, except those taxes.

I love that when my kids come home from school and ask to go to the library because they want a particular book.

I know that as we go more and more digital, the role of libraries is changing.  I am thankful for library and hope they continue to exist.

Birthday Greetings

Today, I am thankful for birthday wishes and greetings!  It warms my heart so see how many "Happy Birthday" wishes I received on my Facebook page.  The actual words spoken to me when I ran into people.  The email messages.  It is all a little overwhelming.  There was an incredible group of ladies who treated me to lunch.  When I arrived home, a lady from church had called to tell me happy birthday.  I don't know her well.  She is an older woman.  We aren't in Bible Studies or Sunday School together.  But she took time out of HER day to wish ME Happy Birthday.  Made me cry!

Then, tonight, we had my favorite dinner - Breakfast for Supper.  The kids dislike Breakfast for Supper, so we rarely do that.  But, it was my night and Brian made some yummy pancakes just for me!

I feel loved beyond measure!  It also feels good to be turning 29!  

Birthday wishes and greetings rock!!!

Family Gatherings

I am thankful for family gatherings.  Over the past two weeks, I have been blessed with having several family gatherings.  Each gathering has its own dynamic.  Its own story.  But, they all have family and memories to treasure.

This year's memories include:

A little snow in Illinois

A Paragi Family Christmas

Several games of Euchre

Roaring Fires

The meeting of the minds

Meeting new friends

A big snow in Southern Indiana

Another new friend - (and a good earring picker outer according to Lizzie)

Fuzzy headbands on babies

A night of cousins

Babies, babies everywhere

Making Christmas cookies with cousins

 The result of Katie's "roll up like a hot dog in a blanket and roll down the stairs" moment. 

The smoke of 36 candles

Reindeer food

A southern Indiana snowman

 The year of the Whoopie Cushions

 Babies again. . . 

The Game Headbandz

Lots of family memories.  So thankful for Family Gatherings.

Mrs Paragi. . . Mrs. Paragi

I love the look of excitement when a child gives you a present.  As I walked down the hall on the last day of school before Winter Break, I heard an excited yell, "Mrs. Paragi!!  Mrs. Paragi!!  I got you something!!"  The little guy was about ready to burst.  He could hardly contain his excitement.

Early that day, a student arrived in my room bouncing up and down while I opened a present from her. She was so proud.

I am thankful for the joy in the eyes of children when they GIVE presents as well as when they receive.    May they never lose that excitement for giving!

Dancing in the Morning

I am thankful for the administrators in our building who play music over the intercom system on Friday mornings.  They play it after teachers are to be there but before students  arrive.  It is so much fun to dance with our own children in the hallway.  It always puts a smile on my face and sets the mood for the day!

Whether it be "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" or the Friday song - I love morning music and dancing!

Raise Your Hand If You Are Sure

This evening, I am thankful for whomever invented deodorant.  I do not understand how boys can get so stinky during a regular school day.  Seriously!  I expect it after a sports practice, lifting, games, playing outside, bike rides, etc.  I did not expect to have boys that smell so nasty that I have to roll down the windows in the vehicle due to the stench of "boy"  when they come immediately from school.

So today - THANK YOU to the inventor of deodorant!!

Night Tight Cuddles

I am thankful that at least two of my kids enjoy "cuddling" with me regularly.

For Lizzie, that means actually cuddling up next to me in bed with her head buried in my arm as she drifts off to sleep.

For Jacob, that means laying on the bed and talking about "stuff."  May be good parts of the day.  May be things he is concerned about.  May be a time for him to question me about something.  Basically, just a nice time for talking.  However, he too enjoys staying there long enough that he starts to drift off and I have to send him off to his bed!

Then there is Zach.  He is a freshman  and "cuddling" is not something he is overly excited about on a regular basis.  However, he will occasionally come into our bedroom, lay across the end of the bed and start talking to us about something.  It might be something deep - someone at school is using drugs.  It might be something funny - guess what happened in health today.  It may be something he is concerned about - the shooting in Connecticut.  It may be about a sporting event.  But, it might just be chatter.

I treasure these night time cuddles and talks.  I know they won't last forever.

Wow!

Wow!  It has been a week since I last posted.  It has been a crazy week.  Zach was home ALL week with a virus.  Lizzie woke up with a temp of 102 on Friday and ended up starting on Tamiflu.

I felt as though I was chasing my tail most of the week.  Round and round in circles.

Believe it or not, during that chaos, I was thankful for things.  Here are just a few:

*  The people who invented Tamiflu

*  The people at convenient care and the lab who work odd hours to care for those who are sick

*  The pharmacists who prepare the medications

Then, on Friday, all my chaos came screeching to a halt.  I listened to the news coming out of Connecticut.  No longer was I just thankful for the things above.  I was thankful to be dealing with the flu, fevers and vomiting.  I was thankful to have my babies to hug and hold onto for another day.

It may sound trite, but I believe it to be true:  We do not know what tomorrow holds.  So hold everyone tight, show your love and appreciation and be thankful for the day.



 

PJ's and Popcorn

I am thankful for evenings with no planned activities.   I love nights cuddling on the couch with the family in our PJ's, eating popcorn and watching movies!

Thankful for relaxed evenings!

Photos

I am thankful for Johann Zahn and Joseph Niepce.  Johann Zahn designed the first camera in 1685. But the first photograph was clicked by Joseph Nicephore Niepce in the year 1814.

I enjoy taking pictures.  I appreciate recording memories for generations to enjoy.  Flowers?  Yep?   Old barns?  Yep!  Baby toes?  Yep!  Family?  Triple yep!  

Whenever I get the camera out, my kids groan and roll their eyes.  However, they certainly enjoying looking at old pictures of themselves.  

Today, I am thankful for Zahn, Niepce and all the others who have worked on creating photography and cameras.

I love old barns.  I can only imagine what kind of stories they might tell if they could talk.

Found this guy at Lake of the Woods

Old meets young in generation shots

A close up of a Hollyhock

My sweet baby niece

Love this shot

Recording memories like this one - Lizzie's first sled ride.  She didn't appreciate falling off and getting snow up her nose!

Memories of Lizzie putting chapstick on her Great Grandma

The beauty found in nature

The Ferris Wheel on the Navy Pier

The excitement of victories recorded forever.

Water Lily from the park

Memories of laughing and playing at the Wonderlab recorded.

My Puppy

I am thankful for our dog, Sadie.  She is a very hyper rat terrier/poodle mix who loves to yap when someone comes to the door.  Or walks down the road.  Or even think about walking down our road!

When one of us is not feeling well, she lays beside the one who is sick and protects.  Often, after having my weekly shot, I get flu like symptoms.  I can always count on her being right by my side.  When one the kids is ill, she is right beside them.

While she may be little, she takes her job of protector very seriously.  This past summer while Brian and Zach were gone, she became very agitated one night.  Pacing down the hall, running from my bed, to Lizzie's bed, to Jacob's bed.  She would stand at the end of the beds facing the doorways growling.  She was relentless.  Finally, I got up, walked to the living room and turned on the lights.  Soon after, I heard a car accelerate and saw its taillights through the window.  What was that car doing idling in front of my house?  No clue!  But I sure was thankful that Sadie alerted me to it.  I eventually went back to bed, but Sadie didn't come in right away.  About ten minutes later, I heard her go into Lizzie's room, then I heard her jump on Jacob's bed.  Finally, she jumped up on my bed, settled at my feet, put her head down and sighed.  She was confident we were safe.

Brian never wanted a dog.  He tells everyone that he does not like dogs.  I don't think that is quite accurate.  He is ok if other people have dogs. He just never wanted to have one in his house.  He will tell you that he finally caved in and said "Fine!" to a dog because I nagged him for sixteen years.  I agree.  I was a nag.  However, Brian recently said that "If we have to have a dog, Sadie is the perfect dog for our family."

I think so too!!  I am thankful for Sadie and thankful to my mom and Jim for letting us have her!

She loves to play in the water with the kids but does not swim in the pool.  She hates being IN the water.

They were so young when we got her!

Jacob loves her.

Jacob doesn't feel well and she is right by his side.

She loves playing in the snow.

 Napping with Jacob

She loves running through the snow and chasing rabbits.

Our Sadie

Poor Lizzie was miserable, but Sadie stayed right with her.

Now that is some deep snow!

A young Zach and Sadie.

My mom and Jim made sure Sadie had been spayed and was all up to date on her shots before we brought her home.  Zach would NOT leave her side as she was recovering.  Here he is loving on her.

The Christmas we met her for the first time.

Indoor Plumbing

Seriously, I am thankful for indoor plumbing.  As I was grumbling while cleaning the bathroom, it dawned on me - Could be worse.  Could have to walk outside to an outhouse.  Could have to clean chamber pots every day.  Instead, I will clean the pee off the seat and around the toilet with the nice hot water from the tap!  Yep, I am thankful for indoor plumbing!

Legos

Legos provide hours of entertainment for our family.  The kids enjoy building things from Lego kits.  However, they enjoy building and designing their own creations as well.  This summer, we attended Brickworld in Chicago.  It was amazing to see all the things that were created out of Legos.

Thank you, Legos, for the hours of entertainment you have provided for our family!

Jake and Brian work on a Lego vehicle

What to do when it thunderstorms in the summer or we are snowed-in in the winter?  Legos!

Zach gets a little help from a family member with the White House

One of the cool exhibits at Brickworld.

This building at Brickworld was amazing!

Lizzie builds her own city at Dodo's house.

Those Lego games?  They are FUN!  We enjoy playing them.